Gathering the Stories That Have Shaped You
- Shonda Carter
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
It doesn't happen very often but there comes a moment in our lives when the noise quiets just enough for certain questions to rise to the surface:
“How did my life turn out this way? How did I become this person?”
Not the polished, Sunday-morning version of you…
Not the you that learned how to survive…
But the deeper you — the one who learned to love, fear, hide, hope, protect, create.
That “you” was shaped by stories.
Stories you lived, stories you inherited, stories you never asked for, stories you still long for. And if you want to understand the terrain of your heart — if you want to heal, grow, and step into a truer way of living — you must begin gathering those stories.
Not studying them.
Not judging them.
Not retelling them in a way that makes you sound heroic or harmless.
And if you want healing, clarity, and spiritual formation , you must begin the sacred practice of gathering the stories that shaped you.
Why You Need Your Stories
Stories are the language of the heart. My favorite part of being introduced is when I hear one of my taglines..."blah, blah, blah...using the arts to speak to the heart." This is the heart of Christian story work: entering your narrative with curiosity, courage, and compassion so you can understand how your past influences your present and how God is writing your future.
Your heart speaks in images. The smell of the kitchen from your childhood, the sound of a keys jiggling in the front door, the burn of a mocking giggle, the hug of a good friend, etc. Your stories explain things like your reactions, your desires, your gifts, etc.
If you stop an listen they tell you things like:
why a raised voice makes your stomach tighten
why silence can feel like abandonment
why you apologize without knowing why
why beauty makes you cry
why creativity feels like home
why real love feels both achingly good and terrifying
You cannot heal what you will not face, and you cannot face what you refuse to name. Gathering your stories is a process that aides your spiritual formation.
Painful Does Not Always Equal A Problem
Most of us learned that painful stories should be buried. The advice ranged from, "stop being dramatic," "just move on," "stay strong," or "thank God for the lesson you learned."
But the heart cannot heal through minimization.
It heals through honest encounter.
Jesus says to those who believed in him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free". Jn 8:31-32
What if you viewed our stories as more than a few mere memories but as an invitation?
What if the Spirit has been whispering, "Look at this...let me show you where I was. Let me show you who you are."
Yup! That makes me want to gather them too...
How to Begin Gathering Your Stories
Contrary to most Hollywood productions and dare I say "awesome testimonies", we don't need a dramatic moment of revelation to start.
You only need to slow down enough to listen.
Notice the moments that are/seem emotional.
Anything that makes your heart beat fast -joy, wonder, longing, shame, dread, etc.
Write down scenes, not summaries.
Summary: “I felt ignored”
Scene: “My mom pushed past me as I stood holding my blue ribbon” is a scene.
Ask: What did I feel? What did I learn? What did I lose? What did I protect?
These questions open hidden rooms in your heart.
Hold each story with kindness, not judgment.
Curiosity is a doorway to compassion.
Invite God into the story as it actually happened.
Not as you wish it had happened, and not as others remembered it —
but as you lived it.
Gathering your stories is not only brave work, it's holy work.
But more than anything, it's good work, because it forges a path to the truth of who you are and the truth of who God is to you.
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